


Why?

by Willowflower_Waterlily



Series: Evelyn and Malcolm Hawke (Series 2) [15]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-05
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-07 18:19:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4273263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowflower_Waterlily/pseuds/Willowflower_Waterlily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leandra receives a letter from her brother about the attack by the Venatori.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Leandra,_

_I wish I could tell you this in person but because of the state father is in, it has to be by letter. I’m sorry, I truly am. We were caught off guard by an attack by a group of Venatori. They killed Mia, Cullen, and Branson. Please give the enclosed letter from Marric to his uncle. They attacked mother after, at the house, and father on the path between Mia’s house and our own. Father sustained serious injuries and was unconscious for a few days, but between Marric and I, we were able to heal him._

_Mother is gone. Father said that the Venatori were after her, and she opened a rift that pulled both them and herself into the Fade. Father said that she helped him come back to us, and that he saw her die. Father is in a deep depression. He hardly gets out of bed, and mostly sleeps. It is a struggle to get him to eat as much as a piece of toast or to get him to drink anything at all._

_Marric, Solana, and I have been taking care of everything, but we need help. Father is fading. I beg you, please come home and help us pull Father out of the dark._

_Love,_

_Junior_

Leandra falls backward into the chair behind her, gripping the note in her hand. How is she going to be able to tell Lucy? Would she leave her here or take her home with her? Tears well in Leandra’s eyes as she stares down at the note, wishing she could will it away. That she could bring her mother, Mia, Cullen, and Branson back from the dead, but she knows no one can do that.

“Is there’s anything I can do to help you?” Solana’s voice breaks through the haze Leandra had been in. She shakes her head, wanting to be anywhere but there.

“No, thank you. I need to go see Commander Cullen.” Leandra picks up the sealed letter on Solana’s desk and walks away before her cousin can say anything else.

Approaching Commander Cullen’s office, she slips in without knocking. He looks like he’s about to scold her about it, stopping when he sees the look on her face. “What’s wrong?” Hands shaking, Leandra holds the letter out to him. He takes it from her, and breaks the seal. A strangled sound escapes the Commander’s mouth as he grips the edge of his desk, to keep from falling.

“I should have been there. I could have helped them.” Guilt overwhelms Leandra. She clenches her hands into fists, looking down at her feet. Leandra’s mind wanders to home, and everything she could have done to help them, to save them. It’s her fault they’re dead, if she had only stayed at home with her family instead of pushing to join the Inquisition.

Strong arms pull her into an embrace, and Leandra cracks. Burying her face into Cullen’s pauldrons, she sobs for her parents and siblings, for Mia and her boys. Leandra still doesn’t know how she’s going to be able to tell Lucy, she’s only twelve.

“It’s not your fault, Leandra. They were taken by surprise. No one could have known this was going to happen.” Leandra gasps, a thought clicking in her mind. How could this have gone hidden for so long? How could a group of Venatori planning an attack go completely unnoticed by the Inquisition? Pulling away from Cullen, she runs out the door before he can stop her. Leandra has some questions for the spymaster.


	2. Chapter 2

Leandra takes the steps two at a time, running past a questioning Dorian and up to the rookery. Making a beeline for Leliana, Leandra balls her hand into a fist punching the spymaster. Leliana stumbles backward her hand covering her cheek, a look of understanding on her face. Scouts in the rookery with them restrain Leandra before she can attack Leliana again. “Let her go and leave us.”

“I am sorry about what had happened. If I heard anything at all, I would have done something to help them.” Leliana’s expression and body language are full of remorse for the people who died, but her words ring hollow to Leandra.

“How could you not have known?” Leandra scowls at Leliana, certain that the spymaster is lying. She has to be, there’s no other explanation for it. “You are at the head of the largest spy network in all of Thedas, and you’re telling me that no one caught wind of this? And why didn’t you have anyone near Honnleath? It had to have crossed your mind that someone would go after mother eventually, especially after what happened seven years ago.”

“I have no excuse to give you for my failure.” Tears slip down Leliana’s cheeks, her brows furrowed in thought. “Nothing I can say will change what has happened, no matter how I wish it could. I’m so sorry.”

Leandra hadn’t been prepared for what Leliana had said to her. She expected lies, half-truths, anything but a heartfelt admission of failure. She stares at the spymaster trying to regain control of her aching heart. Leandra turns and runs, nearly knocking Dorian over on her way back to the main hall, struggling to keep her emotions in check.

 

Reaching the privacy of the room she shares with Lucy, Leandra throws herself onto her bed, muffling her sobs in her pillow. A hand on her back makes her jump. Sniffling, Leandra turns on to her side to see who entered her room without permission.

“What’s happened Lea?” Sitting up, Leandra reaches a shaky hand into her pocket, pulling out the crumpled letter. She watches Dorian read its contents, the color draining from his face.

“I should have been there and not here playing soldier.” Leandra feels the edge of the bed sink down a little as she stares down at her hands. “I’m the eldest, I should have been there. I failed them all.” Dorian tries to pull her into an embrace, but she shrugs him off. Standing up, she moves to her desk, pretending to look through some papers. Her mind turns to her parents, seeing her mother dead in the Fade and her father staring vacantly at the ceiling laying almost catatonic in bed. She should have been there for them, to help them fight. Who else, if not her?

“You didn’t fail anyone, Lea.” Dorian turns Leandra around so she’ll face him. Looking down Leandra does anything she can to avoid meeting his gaze. Dorian gently lifts her chin up so he can look into her eyes. “The only people who are at fault here are the ones who attacked. It’s not your fault this happened. No one thinks you failed.”

“You’re wrong.” Leandra steps away from Dorian. “I am supposed to be there for them. I failed in my familial duties.” Chin quivering, and shoulders shaking, Leandra’s resolve to not break down in front of anyone starts cracking. When he wraps his arms around her again, Leandra leans into Dorian and sobs. “How am I supposed to tell Lucy what happened?”

“Tell me what?” Lucy stares at Dorian holding Leandra with a look of concern on her face. Leandra breaks free of Dorian’s embrace and drops onto her knees in front of Lucy.

“Forgive me.” Leandra whispers, praying Lucy won’t hate her.


	3. Chapter 3

Leandra casually strolls past the guards at the gate, hoping they don’t try to stop her. She smiles when they just nod at her as she walks by. Part of her wishes Lucy wanted to go home with her, but Leandra understands why she can’t, why Lucy wouldn’t want to go where they lost their mother, or see how far their father has fallen. Leandra’s heart clenches and another pulse of guilt surges through her. Fearing she won’t make it home in time for her father, Leandra quickens her pace.

The sounds of a horses galloping behind her makes Leandra want to run into the woods, but she forces herself to stay on the road. She earned her release from the Inquisition, and no one is going to make her go back. As the riders close in on her, they slow down to a trot. Leandra turns around to see Cullen and a scout riding up to her. “Not even going to say goodbye?” Cullen puts his stern commander face on, but Leandra can see right through it.

“No, Sir. I wanted to leave as soon as possible.” Leandra stiffens her body, hardening her expression. She’s more than prepared to make a run for it if need be. Cullen stares at her for a moment longer before he sighs, looking away.

“You are very much your parents’ child.” Cullen motions for the scout to get off of his horse. Dismounting, the other man walks the horse over to Leandra and salutes.

“Why?” Leandra alternates her gaze from the horse to Cullen and back, unsure why he’s giving her an Inquisition mount. “I am not coming back to the Inquisition.” She shouldn’t have joined to begin with. Leandra knows this now. What difference could she make in the world, if she couldn’t protect her own family?

“I know.” Cullen’s voice sounds understanding, but his body language is telling a different story. The sadness in him is unmistakable. “I wish you had come to me, instead of Solana.”

“Would you have let me go?” Leandra watches Cullen struggle with what to say, his forehead creased as he tries to find the words.

“Not at first,” he admits. “I would have asked you to reconsider. You can still have a place in the Inquisition. You’re a bright woman with a tremendous amount of skill with a blade.”

Shaking her head, Leandra mounts her horse. “I think if I’ve learned anything, it’s that I should have never joined to begin with. I should have stayed with my family.” Turning to face Cullen, she winces at the sorrow in his face, tears shimmering in his eyes.

“Don’t let your guilt consume you.” Cullen rides up to her, and reaches for Leandra’s hands. “It wasn’t your fault. They would have attacked if you were there or not.”

“I could have helped. Maybe someone wouldn’t be dead if I were there.” Leandra fights back her tears, trying to pull her hands away from Cullen.

“Please, listen to me.” Cullen begs, tightening his grip on Leandra’s hands. “I know what it’s like to live with guilt and regret. I let it consume me for decades. Don’t let it control, or isolate you. There are people who love you, let them in.”

“You’re wrong.” Leandra pulls her hands from Cullen’s. “They deserve someone better than a failure like me.” Turning her horse around, Leandra urges it to move forward, away from Cullen and Skyhold.


End file.
